It has been a roller coaster of a ride so far since my son left to move across the country. He was sick the morning he woke up. I think there were many factors why he was sick. The first reason is he tried to stay up all night so he could sleep while his friend drove, to do that he drank two Red Bulls, sorry kiddo you are like your mama and cannot do that. The drinks made him sick, increased his heart rate and caused an anxiety attack.

I understand anxiety first hand, so I was able to talk him through it. He managed to pull himself together and get on the road. They made it to Salt Lake City the first night because my son was not feeling well and had gotten sick again. It was difficult for them to get a hotel because they are both  under 21.

They woke up Tuesday morning and drove the rest of the way to New Jersey. I keep busy during the day at work, which kept me sane but at night it was hard especially when I realized they were not going to make any stops. The good thing is my son stayed in touch with me.

He couldn't move into his new place to Sunday, so they stayed in hotels.I mellowed out once they were there but I felt much better once he was moved into his new place.

I think I did well during his trip. I enjoyed coming home to a clean house that was the same way when I left for work. I did miss seeing my son's face.

The first week went well then ........

I raised my son as a single mother, in every single way I was a single mom. I supported my son financially except for about 2 years of his life, emotionally, in every way I was a single mom.

It wasn't easy being a single mom and now that my son is almost 20 years old I often look back on things and think of how I could have done things differently, how I could have done things better and how I would not chance some things. I struggled with Lupus, which made being a single mom that much more difficult than it already was. I have an amazing son, and we had an amazing relationship, well until he became a teenager. There were so many ups and downs, I could write a book on what we have been through.

I basically made my life about my son. I stopped dating because my son needed my attention. He wound up having ADHD with impulsive problems. I was always around, voluntarily whenever I could mostly at his request. As he entered into the teenage years, I remained involved by voluntarily whenever and wherever I could.  He loved when I volunteered at school and in sports. We did everything together. I never missed an event, well not till he was out of high school and I only missed one baseball game because I was preparing for his high school graduation party.

About two weeks ago he went out to New Jersey for a trip. He has been away from me before. In elementary and middle he went on the 6th and 8th grade trips. In high school he went to Malawi, Africa for two weeks and then to England a year later. So I was fine with him being away, as long as I knew he was alive each day.

A couple of days after he got back home he told me about his trip. He then sat there in an odd manner with a somber look on his face. I was exhausted from a long day of work, so I didn't say anything. Him being 19 and an adult, he prefers if I do not ask too many questions. He then said, "mom, I love you, but I am moving to New York".

Yes, he is moving to New York. Note we live in California. Here I am happy for his new adventure, feeling proud of him and realizing that I will be an empty nester. He did not go away to college, he lived at home and after the first year and half he realized that school was not for him. He has had major focus issues through his school years. What probably would have worked for him is hands on learning, interactive learning. He has lived with me since he was in my belly.

What did I feel when he told me he was moving out? Well it was something I was trying to prepare him to do soon, so it made me happy that he was taking the step by himself. I felt happy, proud and then I realized he was moving across country. Tears started to fill my eyes.

To add to the things going on in my life, my company was bought out by a much larger company and we are in the middle of the transition, so my work life is filled with long hours, lack of sleep and poor eating.

So here I am with a lot of changes coming my way. I am looking towards the changes, but I am nervous as well. All in about a weeks time my sister in law who is also my friend goes back home after being near for about a month. My mom, who lives close to me leaves for vacation and my son is leaving to New York to live.

So why not start a blog to help me cope with my new journey.

Today, I did spring cleaning by re-doing my bedroom. Is it spring cleaning, nesting, way to rid stress or simply trying to find a way to cope with the upcoming changes in my life.